Training while injured

I would like to talk about something very near and dear to my heart...and my self proclaimed "Anger gland". I'll start with a story about my friend, Jim (That's what we'll call him):

Jim was a helluvan athlete. He could run, jump, catch, throw, hit and bench press a house. He was a varsity linebacker and one of my friends. One day Jim comes in complaing of pain in his neck and right trap. He plops down next to me and says, "Well Zach the trainer says I strained my trap pretty bad last week doing power cleans. Says I should lay off the weights for a few days."

Sounds like a good idea, Jim. Rest up and take it easy.

"But I think I'm gonna go knock out some light work in the weight room real quick."

Be careful Jim. Don't overdue it.

20 minutes later ambulances came to pick up Jim. He had torn his right trap doing light shrugs. Jim was injured and he knew it. Jim decided to lift anyway and ended his very promising football career. Jim earns a dumbass rating of: Joe Biden.

You may be thinking "Cool story, bro. What's your point?"

Before I continue let me first differentiate between being hurt and being injured. If you are walking in the middle of the night to go take a piss and you stub your toe on the coffee table then you are most likely only hurt. If you are lifting weights and you feel a sharp unnatural pain in your (insert muscle here) you are most likely injured. If a medical professional (you know, one of those guys who actually knows what the fuck they are talking about) tells you to lay off the training for a few days then LAY OFF THE FUCKING TRAINING. If you're pal Charlie (you know, you're dumbass beer drinking buddy without the PhD) says "nah man you'll be fine. Don't be a pussy" then punch him the dick and call him an idiot (after he buys the beer of course). You're not going to lose 10 pounds of muscle in your biceps because you took a break from curling in the squat rack for a week.

On a personal note I have pulled my bicep many times in high school while curling. But I was a badass of course and curled again two days later. My bicep was so sore I couldn't curl again for two weeks.

"But I don't want people to think I'm a bitch if they see me taking a a few days off from working out"

Well, nancy, you're going to look like an even bigger bitch when that severe calf sprain turns into a calf tear and you are forced to do curls in the squat rack and bench press while your legs wittle away into noodles as they take months to recover from your dumbassery.

Of course not every injury can turn serious, but why risk it?

"But Zach, I don't want to let my team/squad/girlfriend/ Personal Jesus down by not being able to workout/ perform while I am recovering."

You will let them down even more if you turn this injury into something serious and you end up being down for weeks or even months instead of a few days. Don't be a stupid ass.

This is not to say that you have to stop working out completly while you heal. If I strain my quad, what stops me from doing some bench press, flys, curls, overhead press etc. ? Nothing. Don't use that as an excuse to not workout completely. I hate that almost as bad as people who try to train through a bad injury. I will never call someone a bitch or a dumbass for injuring themselves doing athletic things. I WILL however call someone a bitch or a dumbass for injuring themselves further by training while injured.

If you love training as much as I do, injuries can zap your morale and recovery/rest days are things you don't look forward to. Think about it this way though: If you hate rest days it is better to take a few now than to further injure yourself and be on "rest weeks" or "months" because your dumbass wanted to be hardcore and "train through the pain."

If you are Hurt , however I expect you to harden the fuck up and train. A jammed toe does not excuse you from squatting, Mr. Bitch. Take care of yourself. Keep yourself healthy. Whether you're a soldier, athlete or average joe like me it is important that you take care of your body. The squat rack can wait for you to do curls in it for a few days and you won't die while you rest due to lack of metal music induced rage-grunting that you normally hear from your workout partner as he knocks out a set of sweet hip abductors performed on a machine.

(on a side not: Don't you ever fucking do shoulder press on a machine. If you want to be fucked above in your shoulders then go for it. They allow 0 range of motion while process and essentially 'lock' your shoulders while pressing)

Final Word: If you're injured, take a break. If you are hurt, stop being a bitch. It's that simple. Take the time to rest and get strong again in a few days. The better you take care of yourself, the stronger you will be in the future. Stronger people are harder to kill. And to steal a line from Tim Kenndy and Ranger up: "Stay angry my friends"

Gunter here complained of pain in his elbow before he went on stage to PR. Gunter wrecked his shit. Gunter won't PR again for a loooooong time.

Go workout. Unless you are injured. In which case, carry on.  

Stopping Power: Handgun Edition

"I would never carry a 9mm! Not near enough stopping power. I want a round that will put someone down."

Really now, superman? How about I shoot you in the chest with a 9mm see if that puts you down. Ass clown.

I hear this uttered almost everyday as a gun salesman at a large sporting goods retailer in Texas. Everyday we get some gun noob in the store looking for a gun for self defense. The inevitable question is: "What caliber should I get?" My answer is always the same.

Take your ass down to the local gun range and fire a pistol of each caliber you are thinking of then come back and buy what you are comfortable with.

Everytime, however, we have the know-it-all customer standing by who will say something to the effect of: "Oh you have to have a 44 magnum because it's the only round that will stop somebody" or "don't buy a 9mm that wouldn't even phase someone, just piss them off."

Ok, dipshit. What is more effective? a)3 well placed shots of 9mm to the chestplate or b) 1 off the mark shot of 44 magnum

"What about when an assailant is on drugs or under the influence? A 9mm wouldn't stop them!"

Well moron chances are if a few well placed shots of 9mm wont stop someone then you are fucked to the nth degree. I hope you've been playing plenty of call of duty and working on your headshots. That 10th prestige has to count for something, fatass.

The truth is whether you are carrying for CCW, duty or home defense you need a round that you can accurately and effectively engage a target with. For me that is a 9mm or 357 Sig. For some it may well be a 44 magnum revolver. Here is a quick breakdown of some of the more common calibers from my amateur point of you:

380- Basically a necked down 9mm. Popular because it usually is fired by a very small frame pistol which is easy to concel. Not very powerful, but will definitely do the trick. Ammunition is moderately expensive. Will kill someone if fired effectively.


38 Special- Very popular with wheel gun carriers for its decent power and moderate accuracy. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

9mm- This round is the standard for many police officers around the world. A very fast, very accurate round. Ammunition is dirt cheap and price allows for more practice. My favorite round. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

357 Sig- The 9mm more awesome younger brother. It's fast and power and accurate! It's also very expensive. It will kill you about as well as anything else. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

40S&W-Became pretty popular within the last twenty years. People call it the perfect balance between 9mm and 45 acp. These people are sheep. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

45 ACP-The favored round of the nostalgic, gun loving, american redneck. This round is rumored to be so powerful it can kill an elephant. Seriously, though. 45ACP is very powerful, but it is large. Most magazines will hold 7 or 8 rounds tops. Also very expensive rounf to shoot. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

357 Magnum- Sure, why not. Author of Understanding Firearm Ballistics, Robert Rinker, infers that this is the most effective personal defense round to date. He bases this off of multiple tests which evaluated factors such as speed, energy transfered, cross sectional area, expansion etc. Have fun practicing at the range with this round. At about 25 dollars a box you can almost smell your money burn with the gun powder.  Will kill someone if fired effectively.

44 Magnum- Fuck you, Dirty Harry.

500 S&W-Unless you are hunting a 1000 pound boar in africa or expecting to be mugged by a lion walking in downtown austin there is no reason to carry this revolver. For personal defense. "Yeah I conceal carry a 500 mag."
Really, mother fucker? I could drive home, pick up my 9, drive back and shoot you by the time you pulled that 1,000 inch barrel out of your shorts, fatty.

I also noticed that usually the fatter a person is, the larger caliber pistol they claim to conceal. Like they are trying to say "I can't see my penis...or my toes, but it's ok because I am concealing a 454 Casull right now"

If you haven't caught on by now my theory on stopping power and caliber selection is simple. Each round has the potential to kill someone just as dead as the other, provided the shooter can accurately and effectively put rounds on target. Not every average joe or jane can one hand a Smith and Wesson 686 revolver. If you can good for you. Now shut the fuck up about it and go work out.

In the end does it really matter whether the round in the chamber is a 38 special, 357, 44 or 500 Magnum? Let's see if looking down the barrel of any firearm would be the instant cure for a bad guy's constipation.

"It's only 10 pounds..." thoughts on Intensity and Motivation.

These words coming out of my best friend's mouth made me laugh.

"You'll find out," I told him.

I handed him a 10 pound plate and proceeding to muscularly and psychologically murder his shoulders with my 10 pound plate workout. Granted this was 6 years ago and at 16 years of age both my friend and I had no idea what we were doing training-wise. But it was Intense. Our only motivation was to "get jacked" and it's all we need to hit the weights 5 days a week. Our motivation was there. I was young and on top of the world. I was a varsity athelete who had just been accepted to attend the United States Military Academy Preparatory school. I was going to be a soldier.

Fast forward 5.5 years. I'm out of shape, overweight, single and down on my luck. I'm sitting in my room playing XBOX 360 when all of a sudden something hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm a bitch. Not just any kind of bitch. I'm a fat bitch. Something clicked in my brain. I turned off my XBOX and immediately started reevaluating my current station in life. I needed to lose weight, get back in the Lacrosse and Army shape I was in, save money, etc. I was going to go from bitch to badass.

Immediately the planning started. I bought a large tractor tire, a sedgehammer and a few 40 pound bags of deer corn. I found a good diet and began my journey...But it wasn't easy. I worked out solid for 4 weeks. I flipped that tire and carried those bags and swung that hammer. Then I got lazy. I became a bitch again. And for a whole month I neglected my workouts expecting my diet to work like magic. Sure I lost weight, but I also lost what little in conditiong and strength I had built up. Again there I sat watching old reruns of Futurama and I realized Even if i lose weight I can still be a bitch...I'll just be a skinny bitch.

Fuck that.

I got up, put on my shoes and immediately started flipping that tire. I haven't stopped working out since. That was 3 months ago. I am about 30 pounds lighter than I was then. I dropped 4 inches in my waist and even was getting noticed again. I had results. I mean, look what I have accomplished! Life is good, right? Wrong.

Fuck that.

It is never good. What I mean by that is this: Complacency kills. I am not finished. My results are shit and my gains are small. I am still weak, chubby and soft. I will not be done until I am dead and in the ground. Life is not good. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck my selfish ex, fuck my job, fuck all those no-good shattered dreams. All of these thoughts raced through my head

"Time!" Johnny yells.

I stop and put down the sledgehammer. I am damn near frothing at the mouth. I had just completed a 5 minute tabata sledgehammer workout. I had just gone bat shit fucking insane on this tire in front of me.

"That was fucking intense, " he says.

I slowly sat down with my hands over my head. My body was tired. I was still angry. I went upstairs angry. I showered angry.

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck my selfish ex, fuck my job, fuck all those no-good shattered dreams I kept repeating in my head.

I woke up the next morning angry and continued my day angry (internally). My motivation is simple. I take all the little things in my past that I do not like or that has caused me some kind of pain. And I store it. until workout time. It's like a pandora's box of of bad memories and repressed insanity. Before a workout I am never particularly excited about it. In fact I am a little nervous and a little uneasy. But the moment that timer starts I open that box. Nothing else matters.

Thwomp, thwomp thwomp.

I am going bat shit fucking insane on that tire again.

Everyday when I workout I open my box of anger and I let it motivate me. In turn it increases my intensity. In a way, I am grateful for the shitty things that have happened in the past. They make me better for the future. Give it a try. Get mad somehow. Think of your past. Think of all the people who have fucked you over. Think of the rough times and the bad people. Have them help you. In a few months I plan on thanking every single person who has screwed me in the past.

Thanks for the anger. It helped. Oh, and fuck you. Have a nice life.

It works kind of like this:  I am the samurai and the head represents the workout that I just murder-raped.

FINAL WORD: Get off your ass and go work out. Don't be a bitch. I've been there. It's not fun. Find your motivation. Get angry if you have to. If it helps, take off your shirt, stand in the mirror and let your bitch-tits piss you off.