"You'll find out," I told him.
I handed him a 10 pound plate and proceeding to muscularly and psychologically murder his shoulders with my 10 pound plate workout. Granted this was 6 years ago and at 16 years of age both my friend and I had no idea what we were doing training-wise. But it was Intense. Our only motivation was to "get jacked" and it's all we need to hit the weights 5 days a week. Our motivation was there. I was young and on top of the world. I was a varsity athelete who had just been accepted to attend the United States Military Academy Preparatory school. I was going to be a soldier.
Fast forward 5.5 years. I'm out of shape, overweight, single and down on my luck. I'm sitting in my room playing XBOX 360 when all of a sudden something hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm a bitch. Not just any kind of bitch. I'm a fat bitch. Something clicked in my brain. I turned off my XBOX and immediately started reevaluating my current station in life. I needed to lose weight, get back in the Lacrosse and Army shape I was in, save money, etc. I was going to go from bitch to badass.
Immediately the planning started. I bought a large tractor tire, a sedgehammer and a few 40 pound bags of deer corn. I found a good diet and began my journey...But it wasn't easy. I worked out solid for 4 weeks. I flipped that tire and carried those bags and swung that hammer. Then I got lazy. I became a bitch again. And for a whole month I neglected my workouts expecting my diet to work like magic. Sure I lost weight, but I also lost what little in conditiong and strength I had built up. Again there I sat watching old reruns of Futurama and I realized Even if i lose weight I can still be a bitch...I'll just be a skinny bitch.
Fuck that.
I got up, put on my shoes and immediately started flipping that tire. I haven't stopped working out since. That was 3 months ago. I am about 30 pounds lighter than I was then. I dropped 4 inches in my waist and even was getting noticed again. I had results. I mean, look what I have accomplished! Life is good, right? Wrong.
Fuck that.
It is never good. What I mean by that is this: Complacency kills. I am not finished. My results are shit and my gains are small. I am still weak, chubby and soft. I will not be done until I am dead and in the ground. Life is not good. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck my selfish ex, fuck my job, fuck all those no-good shattered dreams. All of these thoughts raced through my head
"Time!" Johnny yells.
I stop and put down the sledgehammer. I am damn near frothing at the mouth. I had just completed a 5 minute tabata sledgehammer workout. I had just gone bat shit fucking insane on this tire in front of me.
"That was fucking intense, " he says.
I slowly sat down with my hands over my head. My body was tired. I was still angry. I went upstairs angry. I showered angry.
Fuck this, fuck that, fuck my selfish ex, fuck my job, fuck all those no-good shattered dreams I kept repeating in my head.
I woke up the next morning angry and continued my day angry (internally). My motivation is simple. I take all the little things in my past that I do not like or that has caused me some kind of pain. And I store it. until workout time. It's like a pandora's box of of bad memories and repressed insanity. Before a workout I am never particularly excited about it. In fact I am a little nervous and a little uneasy. But the moment that timer starts I open that box. Nothing else matters.
Thwomp, thwomp thwomp.
I am going bat shit fucking insane on that tire again.
Everyday when I workout I open my box of anger and I let it motivate me. In turn it increases my intensity. In a way, I am grateful for the shitty things that have happened in the past. They make me better for the future. Give it a try. Get mad somehow. Think of your past. Think of all the people who have fucked you over. Think of the rough times and the bad people. Have them help you. In a few months I plan on thanking every single person who has screwed me in the past.
Thanks for the anger. It helped. Oh, and fuck you. Have a nice life.
It works kind of like this: I am the samurai and the head represents the workout that I just murder-raped.
FINAL WORD: Get off your ass and go work out. Don't be a bitch. I've been there. It's not fun. Find your motivation. Get angry if you have to. If it helps, take off your shirt, stand in the mirror and let your bitch-tits piss you off.
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