Stopping Power: Handgun Edition

"I would never carry a 9mm! Not near enough stopping power. I want a round that will put someone down."

Really now, superman? How about I shoot you in the chest with a 9mm see if that puts you down. Ass clown.

I hear this uttered almost everyday as a gun salesman at a large sporting goods retailer in Texas. Everyday we get some gun noob in the store looking for a gun for self defense. The inevitable question is: "What caliber should I get?" My answer is always the same.

Take your ass down to the local gun range and fire a pistol of each caliber you are thinking of then come back and buy what you are comfortable with.

Everytime, however, we have the know-it-all customer standing by who will say something to the effect of: "Oh you have to have a 44 magnum because it's the only round that will stop somebody" or "don't buy a 9mm that wouldn't even phase someone, just piss them off."

Ok, dipshit. What is more effective? a)3 well placed shots of 9mm to the chestplate or b) 1 off the mark shot of 44 magnum

"What about when an assailant is on drugs or under the influence? A 9mm wouldn't stop them!"

Well moron chances are if a few well placed shots of 9mm wont stop someone then you are fucked to the nth degree. I hope you've been playing plenty of call of duty and working on your headshots. That 10th prestige has to count for something, fatass.

The truth is whether you are carrying for CCW, duty or home defense you need a round that you can accurately and effectively engage a target with. For me that is a 9mm or 357 Sig. For some it may well be a 44 magnum revolver. Here is a quick breakdown of some of the more common calibers from my amateur point of you:

380- Basically a necked down 9mm. Popular because it usually is fired by a very small frame pistol which is easy to concel. Not very powerful, but will definitely do the trick. Ammunition is moderately expensive. Will kill someone if fired effectively.


38 Special- Very popular with wheel gun carriers for its decent power and moderate accuracy. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

9mm- This round is the standard for many police officers around the world. A very fast, very accurate round. Ammunition is dirt cheap and price allows for more practice. My favorite round. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

357 Sig- The 9mm more awesome younger brother. It's fast and power and accurate! It's also very expensive. It will kill you about as well as anything else. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

40S&W-Became pretty popular within the last twenty years. People call it the perfect balance between 9mm and 45 acp. These people are sheep. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

45 ACP-The favored round of the nostalgic, gun loving, american redneck. This round is rumored to be so powerful it can kill an elephant. Seriously, though. 45ACP is very powerful, but it is large. Most magazines will hold 7 or 8 rounds tops. Also very expensive rounf to shoot. Will kill someone if fired effectively.

357 Magnum- Sure, why not. Author of Understanding Firearm Ballistics, Robert Rinker, infers that this is the most effective personal defense round to date. He bases this off of multiple tests which evaluated factors such as speed, energy transfered, cross sectional area, expansion etc. Have fun practicing at the range with this round. At about 25 dollars a box you can almost smell your money burn with the gun powder.  Will kill someone if fired effectively.

44 Magnum- Fuck you, Dirty Harry.

500 S&W-Unless you are hunting a 1000 pound boar in africa or expecting to be mugged by a lion walking in downtown austin there is no reason to carry this revolver. For personal defense. "Yeah I conceal carry a 500 mag."
Really, mother fucker? I could drive home, pick up my 9, drive back and shoot you by the time you pulled that 1,000 inch barrel out of your shorts, fatty.

I also noticed that usually the fatter a person is, the larger caliber pistol they claim to conceal. Like they are trying to say "I can't see my penis...or my toes, but it's ok because I am concealing a 454 Casull right now"

If you haven't caught on by now my theory on stopping power and caliber selection is simple. Each round has the potential to kill someone just as dead as the other, provided the shooter can accurately and effectively put rounds on target. Not every average joe or jane can one hand a Smith and Wesson 686 revolver. If you can good for you. Now shut the fuck up about it and go work out.

In the end does it really matter whether the round in the chamber is a 38 special, 357, 44 or 500 Magnum? Let's see if looking down the barrel of any firearm would be the instant cure for a bad guy's constipation.